Are You Good at Giving Feedback? 

Communication is the most important element of success. You can quote me!
I have seen this over and over. Some small bit of information isn’t shared, and a program or event goes sideways, or at least has more issues than it has to have. Group debriefings and one-on-one feedback to your team is an important step to improve systems and refine the processes for next time. Or, maybe it’s just general performance reviews you’d like to improve. In any case, keep reading for some tips you can put to use right away. 

Are They Even Listening to Me? 

The thing with giving feedback is that if it isn’t being received and taken to heart, you’re just wasting your breath. Follow these steps so at least the things you have control over are arranged ideally.

Set the Stage

There are some things to keep in mind when needing to give feedback. 

1. First, make an appointment with the person you need to talk to. Catching them on the fly doesn’t let them know to prepare on some level, even just to answer questions. Generally, adults do not like surprises. 
2. Make the appointment in an office or conference room. In common areas of the office where people can eavesdrop is not appropriate. If this is a brainstorming session for everyone to give info to improve a product, program, or event, then an open area is fine. If this is about one person that will feel like an ambush. 
3. Sit across from them. You need to give them direct eye contact. Sitting next to each other on a couch would not be appropriate. 
4. It’s not snack time. Offering snacks or treats will send the wrong message. Offer a beverage, but nothing else. 
5. Don’t be distracted. Hold your calls, clear your desk, close the door so there are no interruptions. 

State of Mind

If you’re a parent, you know all the guidebooks tell you not to punish your child when you’re angry. Doing so can basically lead to abusing your child. The same principle applies with employees and colleagues. If you are angry or even furious, you will say things in the moment that are fueled by those emotions that you may regret later. Process those emotions so that you can be calm in a meeting. Losing your temper will not help anyone and may alienate the person/people you are trying to help. 

Four ways to quell the anger and gain a mindset for solutions:

1. Deep breaths. Inhale as much as you can, filling in all four chambers of your lungs so you feel your ribcage expand, then exhaling all their air out four or five times will calm your whole body. 
2. Write a letter about everything you are feeling. Do not send this letter. If in email, address it to yourself in case you reflexively hit send. Writing it out longhand in a private journal is also helpful.
3. Exercise. Even a walk around the block will help you work out the emotion. If you can hit the gym or a court for some more vigorous cardio exercise, all the better. 
4. Talk to a mentor. Speaking to a trusted advisor can help you gain perspective. This human you are mad at also has emotions and what you say in anger could be very damaging to them. 

Words Matter

Think through what you are going to say so it will be listened to and understood. If you think “Compliment Sandwich” isn’t effective, think again. This is the concept that you sandwich the criticism between two compliments. You need to weave the praise into the criticism. 

Three layers of a Compliment Sandwich

1. You start with a compliment. Something you sincerely found them doing right. 
2. Move into the areas for improvement. Ask them what they think went well or could be improved. It’s likely they know what went sideways or where they have become less effective. That opens the door to you facilitating a discussion to ask them why they think that happened and how it can be avoided. If they are oblivious, then ask them to imagine the scenario you envision without the problems and share where things took wrong turns. 
3. End with something else positive—not the same thing. You can compliment their effort, their perseverance, or even how they handled this conversation. You want to leave them with something that lets them know they are valued and appreciated.

Click on this quick video here.

It might help to think of this sandwich more like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that all smooshes together instead of a BLT that is easy to dissect. You do not want the person you are speaking to feel your debrief with them was formulaic and clearly three parts. You want it to feel like one good meeting. Like they have been mentored and not scolded. 

Communicate clearly and offer a summary of what you accomplished in the meeting before you adjourn. 

Corrections Needed Or Else … 

If the problem is a repeat offense, shows disregard for policies, and/or is possibly negligent, and this person doesn’t seem conciliatory or trainable, then there may be some procedures to follow and papers to process. If this is a last chance situation, ask them to take notes throughout the discussion so you know they will be walking away with information to remind them of what happened and what needs to happen. 

On a Personal Level

You can apply this to your personal relationships as well. Instead of rules or policies, we call them boundaries and they ensure that people are treating each other with the same level of respect needed for the relationship. 

Leslie A.M. Smith is the owner of McCormick L.A. Public Relations, a PR consultancy she founded in 1994. She is the author of Laws of Promotion and the Co-Author of Microenterprise Hits the Big Screen. She teaches a marketing starter class online for small businesses called BOOST, that teaches the essentials at the basis of all promotions.