Speaking of Good PR – The Charm Factor

Every conversation can be helpful for you if you remember that building a network has as much to do with your every day conversations with strangers as any formal meetings. When you have healthy, thoughtful conversations with people, you gain respect and people end up liking you. With consistency, overall your public relations will be stellar and pave the way for success. 

I always admire those charismatic people who never sound defensive nor do they ever go on the attack, and yet, everyone knows exactly where they stand on an issue. They aren’t wimpy nor spineless. They have what I think might be the single most valuable element to building good relationships through conversation: charm.

Charming people can listen to criticism and respond with something kind and witty. They’ll agree, then bring up another valid point that is completely opposite what the person offering the criticism said and phrase it in a way that is irrefutable. They make people around them feel good. True charm is not phony, it’s sincere and polished. 

Charm can win sales, votes, followers, and much more. I can’t say that it is an exact science to develop charm, but there are a few things I’ve observed and try hard to incorporate in my own conversations. Here’s a short list. 

1. Be Sincere. A true compliment is appreciated, flattery is excessive and people see through it.
2. Agree. Agreement allows the conversation to continue, “I see what you’re saying, tell me more.” If you’ve ever lodged a complaint at a store or a restaurant, you know that the person who quickly agreed with you was the person who calmed you down first. They said something empathetic like, “Oh, that’s terrible.” Aspiring to be charming is the root of the statement “the customer is always right.” 
3. Introduce opposing viewpoints as questions you can explore together. “Of course you want to take a piece of the Great Barrier Reef with you, I would too. But what if everyone did? What would happen? How quickly does coral grow?” This is why charming people make great politicians, as well as teachers and sales people. They  gently reveal their way of thinking and bring people to their side. 
4. Make people feel important by making eye contact and listening intently. 
5. Find the bright side. It’s nice to have an optimist around to highlight the sunny aspects of any situation. It is reassuring and hopeful which makes people feel safe. 
6. Be personable. Address the person you are talking to by name in your conversation, as well, you might pat their back, arm, or give their wrist a squeeze throughout the course of the conversation. You’ve broken down some walls that help people like you. 

If you haven’t read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, now might be a good time. It’s an old book, but the principles are timeless. He explores the effectiveness of getting to know a person very well without asking for anything. When the ask comes, the people already have a bond and the business comes naturally from that network. let people get to know you, like you, then use and refer you. 

Leslie A.M. Smith founded McCormick L.A. 30 years ago to provide marketing and public relations services to small businesses and nonprofits. She is the author of Laws of Promotion, a 50-page marketing guidebook for people with little or no marketing experience, available on Amazon in English and Spanish.